


The Voice That Fills My Mind [Yeonbin]

by jooniespromise



Category: TOMORROW X TOGETHER | TXT (Korea Band)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-29
Updated: 2021-01-29
Packaged: 2021-03-15 14:41:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 20,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29065992
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jooniespromise/pseuds/jooniespromise
Summary: You’ll notice an OC for Taehyun’s soulmate. Tasia is actually one of my twitter besties and today is her birthday! So I added her in hoping to make her smile. Please wish her a happy birthday and follow her twitter @MOONLlGHTSPIRIT
Relationships: Choi Beomgyu/Huening Kai, Choi Soobin/Choi Yeonjun, kang taehyun/Tasia
Comments: 1
Kudos: 17





	The Voice That Fills My Mind [Yeonbin]

**Author's Note:**

> You’ll notice an OC for Taehyun’s soulmate. Tasia is actually one of my twitter besties and today is her birthday! So I added her in hoping to make her smile. Please wish her a happy birthday and follow her twitter @MOONLlGHTSPIRIT

Yeonjun 

“Felix, you are an incredible person but I don’t hear your voice in my head.” I cast my eyes downwards and away as I speak knowing I won’t be able to stand my ground if I see his sad eyes. Sadness in his eyes feels like the worst pain imaginable. “We both know this has to happen eventually. Might as well do it now before we get more attached.”

“Yeonjun…” His voice breaks and he launches himself at my chest hugging me closely. There is a level of comfort and familiarity in his touch, but I can’t pretend he’s the one singing in my head. “I understand I just thought I’d have a little more time.”

I stroke the back of his hair with my other arm wrapped around him. This never ends happily. Sometimes I wonder why I even try to date other people. I’ve figured out who my soulmate is even if no one believes me. He just happens to be incredibly difficult to get a hold of. 

“Lix you’ll find him and all of this will just be a fond memory some day.” I pull back as I speak looking into his eyes.

The trees are rustling around us in the late summer breeze. Perhaps the park we met at wasn’t the brightest place to break up with him. Thankfully, there aren’t many people around. That would make this harder.

“I hope Soobin finds you soon.” Felix says stretching up on his toes to give me a soft kiss on the mouth. His lips taste like his favorite strawberry lip tint.

He walks away without another word and I’m stunned. Felix never believed me when I told him Soobin is my soulmate. I wonder what changed his mind. 

Break ups are always hard for me even if I’m the one who initiated it. Deep in my mind I know the only reason I date is because I’m lonely. I love being held and told everything that makes me special. 

A twitter notification that Soobin has tweeted pops up on my home screen. It’s like he knows I need him.

Choi Soobin is an insanely popular musician. Every time he releases a new song he gains hundreds of thousands of fans. I’ve been a fan for two years but he’s been active for three. He’s my soulmate so I’ve always heard him sing and rap. 

During his debut year he didn’t garner much attention from the general public. I thought the songs in my head were just songs I didn’t know. I didn’t think my soulmate had written them. Eventually, I decided to search for the lyrics I was hearing and found Soobin. 

At first I didn’t think much of it. I thought my soulmate just must really like his songs even though he sounded like Soobin. Then I started hearing more songs that I hadn’t heard before. When Soobin’s next album came out I knew all the songs on my first listen. That’s how I figured out he’s my soulmate. 

I’ve tried talking to people about it over the last few years but no one believes me. People try to fake this kind of thing all the time so it’s understandable that no one believes me. Once, I was so fed up with being called a liar that I proved I knew the song before it dropped. Stan twitter cancelled me fabricating a story about how I got the tracks from someone who worked at a record store. Since then I don’t try to prove myself on twitter. Now everyone just thinks I’m joking when I call him my soulmate.

@Soobin tweeted: Solace please eat a good dinner and sing your soulmate a pretty song 

Attached is a picture where he is making a peace sign. His hair is a faded blue and he’s smiling so brightly my heart thumps. It looks like he’s sitting in the artist lounge of his company’s building. As I walk home I reply to his tweet. 

@binniesboo replied: I’ll sing you a pretty song when I get home 😙

One of my followers likes the reply and I save Soobin’s selfie. On my way home I draft a few tweets about Soobin. I wonder if he would think it’s weird I have an account about him.

At home I get distracted by Felix’s sweatshirt sitting on my sofa. I’m sure there are more of his things here. Why didn’t I bring them with me? I knew what I was going to do. I’m so stupid. I hold the sweater to my nose breathing in the sweet scent that is no longer mine. 

I turn on my break up playlist and sing along while I pack Felix’s things into a box. Having someone around makes life much more enjoyable, but it’s not right when he’s not my soulmate. When I’m taping the box closed I hear Soobin in my head. He’s singing a song that hasn’t been released yet. I think it’s called wishlist. I tweet about it and everyone seems confused. A few of my followers send me clown emojis.

@binniesboo tweets: soobin is singing wishlist 🥰

I order take out fried chicken and have just finished eating when a vlive notification pops up. Soobin is live. I pull out my laptop so I can watch there and tweet on my phone. I turn off my sad playlist and watch Soobin greet the audience.

He doesn’t look as happy as his selfie. I hope he’s okay. Last week he was practicing past midnight every day. I wish he rested more but I understand being an idol is a hard job. I wish I could tell him how proud I am. 

Soobin talks about what he did today while he eats sushi. He’s in the artist lounge and I’d bet my whole savings account he is going back to rehearsal after this live. He talks about how excited he is for his comeback and the start of his tour. The tour starts next week on my birthday.

I don’t live very far from Seoul but I don’t have the money to see his concert or buy enough albums to win a fansign. Concerts are a luxury I can’t afford right now. I have no hope of going to his concert especially because it’s sold out.

Soobin looks so pretty, even with his almost upset expression. I wish I could stroke his cheek with the back of my hand and poke his dimples.

The vlive comments are flooded with different variations of ‘are you okay?’ or ‘you look upset.’ Soobin tries to be our shining light so it’s rare he expresses negative feelings. There a large portion of his fandom that doesn’t like when he talks about certain topics.

“Why do you look sad?” he says then pauses looking down at his sushi then back to the comments. “Oh, I know some of you don’t like when I talk about them, but my soulmate has been having a hard time recently. They were singing sad songs for two hours and their voice sounded like they were crying.”

I was crying but just for an emotional detox. I’ll miss Felix’s company but I’m not sure he was the reason I was crying. Felix has nice lips and a sunny personality but he’s not my person. 

My heart races everytime he mentions his soulmate. It pains me to no end that I can’t just pick up my life and move to Seoul. There are deluded sasaengs stalking Soobin when I’ve never even met him. I can’t just go to the Bighit Labels building and tell security I’m his soulmate. Hundreds of people do that every day. No one would believe me.

I stare at the screen wondering how I can make him feel better. I’ll be okay this is just temporary. I type out a memo to find songs relating to temporary pain to let him know I’ll be okay. 

I sing the chorus of wishlist at the top of my voice and I see Soobin’s eyes light up. The comments flood with messages asking what song his soulmate is singing. Everyone knows that look even if their soulmate isn’t a good singer.

“My soulmate is singing a song from my new album. They must listen to me closely. I wonder if they are watching.” I stop singing when I see his eyes brighten and he pouts as soon as I’m done. He’s so adorable it makes me laugh. “They stopped. Soulmate if you are watching this please keep singing. I miss hearing your voice when you go long periods without singing.”

Half the comments are gushing about how cute a soulmate Soobin is and the other half think he’s talking about them when they surely don’t know the song I just sang. At times it’s hard not to get jealous.

Soobin doesn’t say another word about me for the rest of the live. I sing quietly a few times just to see him smile. Once he is done eating he says goodbye sending finger hearts and flying kisses.

Twitter is a shitshow of people who think Soobin owes them something fighting the people who love when he talks about me. solace twitter becomes a disaster when Soobin mentions his soulmate which is why he doesn’t often. He must have been really worried about me. I sing him a happy song while I look through tweets. The words ‘Soobin’ and ‘Soulmate’ are trending. 

@soobsbread tweets: why does soobin even talk about his soulmate? doesn’t he know we don’t care

@soobinstar tweets: does anyone else notice soobin only uses they/them pronouns for his soulmate? our progressive king 

@tyunswife tweets: i wish idols could talk freely about their soulmates without weirdos attacking them

@waenger69 tweets: soobins soulmate is an asshole for making him sad. you must know who your soulmate is! he’s here to make us happy stop making him sad 

The quote replies to the @soobinstar tweet aren’t nice for the most part. Quite a few of them seem to be calling him gay in a malicious way. I reply to those tweets asking why they are so homophobic and include pictures of Soobin holding pride flags. Real pictures that fans have taken. Within minutes my mutuals are tearing the account to shreds and within the hour five accounts are suspended.

Soobin sings a song I call ‘So no monster can chase us anymore.’ I don’t think that’s the actual title but I haven’t figured it out yet. His title tracks always have super long titles so I could be right. 

The way we hear our soulmates sing is finicky. I can’t just sing my name and address to them. From my experience I can only hear when he’s singing real songs, not just something in a sing-song voice. Sometimes I hear his vocal warm ups but most of the time I don’t. When someone is singing you can partially hear their surroundings. So I can hear all the screaming when my soulmate hip thrusts during his set. 

A twitter group chat I’m in asks for album predictions because I’m never wrong about the number of tracks or how they sound. I tell them the number of tracks and give a vague description of the sounds. They still don’t believe he’s my soulmate. I tried with them once after we’d been in the chat together for a few months.

I’m about to turn back on my sad playlist and sing while I delete Felix from my instagram, but I can still hear Soobin rehearsing. I’ll let him prepare for come back in peace. The less I distract him the earlier he’ll be able to go home. 

Deleting pictures of Felix makes me far more emotional than I thought it would. We dated for six months, longer than I dated most people. Usually I’m just in it for sex or company with no deeper feelings. I’ve figured out who my soulmate is but that doesn’t mean I don’t have needs.

Felix took me on lots of fun dates and told me hundreds of stories about growing up in Australia. He’s one of the coolest people I’ve ever dated. I didn’t want to get more attached and make it harder on myself later. I don’t know why I post these boys on my instagram like they’ll be here forever.

When Felix has been scrubbed from my social media platforms I scroll through twitter. Someone has organized an LBGTQA+ solace selca day for tomorrow. I love when solace come together to bully homophobes. Especially because Soobin can’t speak up right now for fear of backlash. 

Soobin is softly singing ‘Blue Hour’ when he tweets twice. It must be stuck in his head just like it’s stuck in mine. 

@Soobin tweets: my soulmate sang me a happy song after the live 🥰

@Soobin tweets: Please be nice to each other 🙂

I reply knowing at least one person is going to call me a delulu. I’ve received enough hateful replies today that I don’t really care. 

@binniesboo replies: i’m so glad you liked it 🥺

@binniesboo replies: PERIOD listen to this man

The same account that liked my replies earlier likes these two. It’s a private account that won’t let me follow back. I wonder why they are interested in my tweets if they won’t let me follow them.

More chaos on solace twitter saying ‘Soobin would hate a lot of you.’ They aren’t necessarily wrong but we should be focusing on his comeback right now. I post a tweet saying that and it quickly receives a lot of interactions. 

I move the box of Felix’s things next to the front door so I’ll remember to drop it at his apartment building. Soobin is singing with his full voice right now. I can hear someone shouting directions at him over his singing voice. The comments sound like something a choreographer would say. 

With my whole existence I wish I could see what he’s preparing live. I’ll have to settle with grainy illegal streams put on by saints. 

Soobin has been working tirelessly for months on this tour and album. I only hear the singing portions and that’s already so many hours. His level of dedication and artistry is far from any of his peers. 

Kang Taehyun, my best friend of many years, has sent me a text. He routinely checks my instagram to see if I’ve broken up with my latest boyfriend without telling him. Taehyun also watched Soobin’s live. He is a little skeptical but for the most part he believes me. 

Best Friend 🐿: I’ll be over in five minutes with ice cream prepare a movie

I sigh knowing there is no use arguing with him. He wants to comfort me. I’m blessed to have someone like him in my life. Long ago he learned to stop questioning my feelings after every break up. Of course, I feel sad but it’s more loneliness than anything else. 

Taehyun doesn’t bother knocking instead just punching in the code I told him when I moved in. He has my favorite ice cream and a bottle of soju. We talk about our days as we dig into the ice cream. Taehyun had an audition today and he thinks it went well. He wants me to join him on auditions but I don’t think I’m good enough to make it. 

“You should join me on the next one!” Taehyun says licking his spoon clean. “Half the people there couldn’t even do basic choreography. You would eat them alive.”

“You must be exaggerating…” I say looking off to my album shelf in the corner.

“Why are you so stubborn? Don’t you want to meet your soulmate?” I nod my head slowly and he rolls his eyes. “Then joining the entertainment industry and sharing your talent with the world is the best way to do that.”

“Even if I debut it’ll be years and Soobin will never notice me.”

We’ve had this conversation a lot over the last two years. I don’t think he’s completely wrong, but I don’t want to disappoint my parents. They already don’t like my choice of study so I have to support myself. I graduated in the spring and have been living off mostly savings that are dwindling. I recently started a part time job. Going for my true dream that I could so easily fail at just isn't in the cards right now. 

“Why are you so pessimistic? Let’s just watch a movie.” Taehyun seems annoyed with me. 

He’s offered to help me multiple times. I don’t like taking handouts and he knows that. Taehyun has gotten more creative lately. He calls everything a gift and even offered to let me move into a spare room in his apartment. I thought about it because it’d be nice to live with someone but he doesn’t want me to pay rent.

It’s hard to focus on the movie because Soobin is still singing in my head. Anytime I can hear him I want to focus as hard as possible. It’s like my own daily private concert. If only I could see him.

“Make sure you have the whole day off on your birthday. I’ve planned something special and you aren’t allowed to object.” Taehyun says after the movie has finished. 

“Tae, you know I don’t like when you do that.” 

He has a devilish smirk on his face. I’m terrible at guessing when he’s made a plan. Taehyun has done some extremely unexpected things for me in the past. Once he forced me to go to America with him because he wanted a very specific snack you can only find there. 

“It’ll be the best day of your life so far.” He promises and I roll my eyes. “Trust me.”

Taehyun leaves soon after and I’m left to wonder why I would need the whole day off. He must be taking me to another city. After the spontaneous trip to America, we made an agreement for no international travel without a two week notice. My birthday is next week so we must be staying in Korea.

Soobin is still singing in my mind while I prepare my solace selca day. My concept is boyfriend looks but make it as gay as possible. One of my group chats asks what I’m doing and I send them a sneak peak. They think it’s so cute. 

As I prepare for bed Soobin is still singing. He took a small break but I wish he would rest even more. His vocal chords must ache. 

@binniesboo tweets: @Soobin please rest well 🥺 you work such long hours 

I spend the days leading up to my birthday pretty miserable. Work is hard and I’m lonely without Felix by my side. Thankfully, we didn’t have a confrontation when I dropped his things off. 

Reminding myself that I miss the company more than the person is hard. No matter how extraordinary Felix is, he’s not my soulmate. I sincerely hope they find each other soon. 

There were even a few moments I considered using a hookup app, but the sweet melodies in my head stopped me. Soobin has a busy schedule with his comeback and his first show tonight. It’s hard to sleep with someone when my soulmate's voice is playing in my mind. 

Taehyun still refuses to tell me where he’s taking me. He insists that it’ll be a better experience if it’s a surprise. Last night he advised me to look my cutest, but if I’m not seeing Soobin what’s the point? I take his advice on the off chance that I will see him. 

We’ve gotten to Seoul by the time I figure out what should have been so obvious. Taehyun has seemed so pleased with himself. He’s dramatic for sure but rarely makes ‘best of your life’ statements.

“Are we going to Soobin’s show?!” I ask, turning towards him with wide eyes. Through the window behind him I can see Soobin’s face plastered across the side of buildings. “How did it take me this long to figure it out? Thank you so much!”

“I wanted to keep the surprise as long as possible.” He pouts pulling out his phone so he can show me the tickets. I hug him tightly and I’m so happy I could cry.

Every wisp of air leaves my lungs when I see he’s purchased front row seats. Those must have cost a fortune. Soobin’s voice starts playing in my mind and I sit back in my seat trying to process. 

I’m going to see my soulmate in person. We’re going to be close enough that he can see my face. Suddenly I wish I’d worn more full coverage makeup. 

“Wait! I don’t have my lightstick.” I complain feeling genuinely sad about it. 

Taehyun reaches into the bag at his feet and pulls out my lightstick. I’m not sure when he stole it from my room, but I’m so grateful.

“I thought of everything, don't worry!” He says with a smile that reaches his eyes. “I even brought condoms.” 

I punch his arm blushing at the thought of needing protection. Surely, Soobin wouldn’t even kiss me let alone sleep with me before we’ve been on a date. Then again I only know what he wants solace to know. 

Taehyun begins ranting about what he went through to get these tickets. While I listen to him I send out a tweet. 

@binniesboo: MY BEST FRIEND SURPRISED ME WITH FRONT ROW @soobin TICKETS SBXBSKWJEJRJD TAEHYUNNIE ILYSM

My replies are soon flooded with people telling me how excited they are for me. As usual, a few people can’t get over their jealousy but nothing could bring me down. 

Since we have front row seats we don’t need to arrive until an hour or two before the show. Taehyun has planned the day for us. Our first stop is a cafe near Soobin’s company that he used to go to as a trainee. The cafe is quite full for what time of day it is. After looking around I can tell a lot of the customers are solace. 

I order Soobin’s favorite drink and Taehyun insists on paying for everything because it’s my birthday. We chat excitedly while we drink. Taehyun takes photos of me next to a signed picture of Soobin hanging on the wall. 

My twitter notifications are more filled than usual. My group chat members are trying to meet me. We never thought I’d be coming to the show. They already planned to meet up and now they want me to join.

“My twitter friends want to meet up near the stadium. Let‘s go now before they have to go to their seats.”

“Okay.” He replies and orders a cab to take us. 

We end up having to walk half a mile because the car won’t come any closer to the stadium due to traffic. I’m happy to do anything right now. I can hear soundcheck through my ears and in my head as we approach the stadium. 

We get through security with no issues and soon are surrounded by people. It’s a little overwhelming and I’m starting to lose hope I’ll find my friends when I hear my username.

“Binniesboo!” I hear coming from somewhere in the sea of people. 

I look around for a few seconds before Taehyun spots my friends waving their hands. Beomgyu and Kai have been in this group chat with me for almost a year, but we’ve never had the chance to meet up.

“Hello! I’m so excited to meet you.” I say studying their faces. Somehow they are more handsome in person. “This is my best friend Taehyun.”

Taehyun bows then says something about needing to use the restroom. I nod then jump into a conversation about what song we think Soobin will open with. With this being the first show we don’t know what to expect. I have a vague idea from how he’s been practicing but even I’m not sure. 

“Oh by the way happy birthday, Yeonjun!” Kai says smiling widely. “Let’s get a meal all together afterwards if you’re free.” 

They are dressed surprisingly stylish. In the photos they post on twitter they never dress like this. Kai has traded his usual hoodies for a white button up shirt with printed letters and the top two buttons undone. He must want to look good in case he sees someone handsome. 

“Ah I wish we’d known earlier you were coming so we could prepare gifts.” Beomgyu mutters looking down at his phone briefly.

“No, no. Meeting you and seeing Soobin is the best gift ever.”

Taehyun returns with a large bag and I roll my eyes. Why does he always buy unnecessary things? How did he even get through the merch line that fast?

“You can’t complain these are birthday presents.” Taehyun says pulling out the spoils of his adventure. 

He’s bought multiple shirts and hoodies he knows I wanted. In addition to a picket he also bought three sets of premium photos. I seriously can’t believe his generosity. 

“Thank you!” I hug him tightly and he complains trying to push me away. I know he’s grateful for the love. 

For a while we sit on the ground waiting to be able to go to our seats. Kai and Beomgyu are sitting on the first level because the floor was already sold out by the time they got tickets. They are grateful they got tickets at all. 

Before we head to our seats Taehyun insists on taking photos of us. After five minutes I wave goodbye promising to meet up with them outside the venue. 

I update twitter with a picture of the three of us and write that I’m heading to my seat now. I stop at the bathroom while Taehyun continues to our seats. The line is already out the door but I’ll be damned if I miss a moment of Soobin. 

Several minutes later I've finished my business when I’m approached by a handsome man probably in his late twenties. He gives me a small bow and a kind smile. 

“You’re really handsome. Can I have your number?” 

He holds out his hand as he speaks and I see a business card. I can see the Big Hit Entertainment logo and my eyes widen. Soobin starts singing in my mind and I can hardly focus. 

“Oh...I’m not sure.” I rub the back of my neck uncomfortable with the idea of auditioning which is obviously what he wants. 

“Then just take the card. My number is there. If you decide you want to come in, call the number and I’ll arrange an audition for you.” 

Without another word the man walks away and I stand there stunned for a moment listening to Soobin rehearse one final time before the show starts. It takes a few minutes before I walk to my seat looking for my best friend. I spot him and once Im seated I immediately tell him what’s just happened. 

“You have to audition! This is once in a lifetime. You could be in the same label as your soulmate.” He keeps his voice down just in case anyone around us is listening in. “You could live out your dream in a company you trust more than others.”

“I’ll think about it.” I say and Taehyun rolls his eyes at me. 

This whole day has been a little overwhelming and we haven’t even got to the best part. I make Taehyun take a selfie with me. Then, I take a picture of the stage from my seat. Our seats are right in front of the barricade. Thankfully, we are in a seated section, but I’m sure no one will be seated for long. 

Sometime later a voice plays over the loudspeaker asking everyone to please take their seats. There is excitement thick in the air as we wait for beautiful Choi Soobin to step onto the stage. He stopped singing a while ago probably hoping to save his voice. 

My heart begins to race as the lights go down. This is it the moment I’ve waited two years for. I’m finally going to see the love of my life in person. I’m going to see my favorite artist perform just a few feet away from me. I glance at Taehyun and he had the biggest smile on his face. I’m forever thankful for his friendship and for the things he does.

When Soobin is finally raised up onto the stage I swear my heart stops. How can someone so magnificent be even more beautiful in person? Soobin’s hair is now pink, a great change from the blue it was last week. He’s been hiding his hair so I should have suspected. His outfit tells me his first number is Eternally. Soobin is trying to keep a serious face as the music starts. 

At the beat drop he starts dancing and I’m singing along with him. His forehead is wrinkled in confusion and I can’t tell if that’s what it is or just a dance face. I stop singing and his face relaxes into something more fitting for the song. Oh?

Taehyun is screaming the lyrics beside me as my eyes follow Soobin across the stage. Soobin goes into his next song without a hitch and again I sing along. He seems more comfortable now not even noticing my voice in his head. Or he’s too professional to show it. He stumbles on his choreography towards the end of the second song. He looks embarrassed when he finally introduces himself. 

The show is phenomenal just like I expected. Soobin made eye contact with me six times and each time I felt as if my minutes were numbered.

He only has a few songs left when he stops to give a speech. He pushes his hair off his forehead and sighs before looking across the crowd. He looks so nervous I wish I could hug him and tell him how well he’s doing.

“I’m so sorry I messed up earlier.” The crowd roars with a ‘No’ sound telling him it’s okay. “I know this sounds crazy but I think my soulmate is here.”

Everyone starts yelling at the top of their lungs including the girls behind me.

“Soobin oppa it’s me!!” She yells and I really want to roll my eyes. 

“I need everyone to be very quiet.” he makes a zipper motion over his mouth. “I’m going to play an unreleased song that only they know. They know the words they’ve sung it before. Soulmate if you’re out there please sing along.”

I’m amazed that the fans actually stay silent when the music starts. He told his band what to play. Wishlist starts and a nervous knot has worked its way into my stomach.

“Please tell me now.” Soobin and I sing at the same time and the girls around me scoff. 

I continue using my loudest voice so he’ll be able to find me in the crowd. Soobin goes to the wrong side of the stage so I turn on my solace bong and wave it until he notices me. He jumps off the stage much to his security team’s dislike and meets me at the barricade. We are still singing while looking into each other’s eyes. Our voices are echoing through the stadium but all I can think of is the brown eyes in front of me. 

I’m vaguely aware of Taehyun squealing behind me and the girls yelling to record this. Up close Soobin smells sweet even after dancing for nearly three hours. His cheeks look soft and I yearn to touch them. He touches my cheek as we finish the last chorus. 

“I found you.”

He walks away and is lifted back onto the stage. Without a word he starts the next song and security saves me from being attacked by the girls behind me. I grab Taehyun’s arm and security leads us both backstage. I can hear Soobin in my head but I can’t see him until we arrive in the green room. I tweet a keyboard smash and nothing else. 

On the screen I can see him performing with the biggest smile on his face. This doesn’t seem real. I met him. I’m backstage at his show right now. 

“Kang Taehyun?” One of the staff says while I continue to focus on the screen in front of me. “You auditioned with us recently right?” 

“Yes, I did.” Taehyun says and I can hear the subtle tremor of his voice. 

“You’ll receive your official email tomorrow but you’ve passed the first round of auditions. We were quite impressed by you.” 

I turn around to look at Taehyun then jump up and down with him. My best friend is going to live his dream. He’s made it through the first step. 

“Taehyunnie!! You did it.” 

“Now, Yeonjun…” The staff says. “Please audition your vocals are amazing and memorizing a song just from hearing Soobin singing it is incredible.”

“You aren’t mad that Soobin exposed his soulmate’s gender?” I blurt without thinking and the staff sighs. 

“It’s definitely going to be hell to sort out with the press but we want what’s best for our artists. You’re his soulmate and Soobin would be very unhappy if he couldn’t show you off to the world. Besides it’s not like we can confiscate every phone and camera that recorded that moment. Not to mention the people who already posted.” He puts a finger to his ear to listen to his ear piece. “Soobin will be here in two minutes. Everyone clear the room to give him some privacy.” 

“Thank you, sir. I’ll audition soon.”

He smiles before ushering everyone including Taehyun out of the room. My heart is racing trying to think of what I’ll say to Soobin. I’ve planned this moment in my head for years but now I can’t think of a single thing to say. 

Soobin’s hair is sticking to his forehead from sweat when he enters the room. He removes his outer jacket leaving him in a black tank top and jeans. His pink lip tint compliments his skin so well. 

“I’ve seen your tweets before.” Soobin says as he comes closer to me. “Yeonjun @binniesboo, right?” 

“Oh my god.” I blush thinking of all the questionable things I’ve tweeted. 

“I really liked your last selca day.” He wipes his face with a cloth. Then looks at me with bright eyes and a smile that could melt even the coldest hearts. “Can I hug you?”

I nod my head not trusting my voice to come out without cracking. He lurches forward taking me into his arms with a soft giggle. I return the hug holding him tight.

“I’m so glad I finally met you.” I whisper in his ear still holding right around his waist.

His body is muscular and sweaty from all the incredible dances. I wouldn’t trade this moment for the world. I finally feel at home. 

“Wait, it’s your birthday right? Happy birthday, my handsome soulmate.” He says holding me at arms length. 

He leans down to press a kiss to my head before backing away. He suddenly looks shy and I can’t contain myself. Soobin is real and standing right in front of me. HE JUST CALLED ME HANDSOME!

“Thank you.” I say walking towards him.“Let’s take a picture.”

He agrees enthusiastically and we take a picture in the mirror. He looks like a god standing next to me. We try a few poses including a few where he’s touching me. Every time he touches me my skin tingles. 

“Do you have to get back?” Soobin asks after we had been talking for a few minutes. 

“I’m supposed to have a meal with my twitter friends.” 

I don’t want to leave his side but I can’t bail on my friends just because I finally met my soulmate. Soobin thinks for a moment running a hand through his hair.

“Do you think we could have a meal all together? I already reserved a place for after the show. I don’t think they’d mind if I added a few more. They would have to sign NDA’s though and we’ll have to take their phones.”

“I think they would be okay with that. Let me call them.”

“Do you know what seats they were in?” He asks, looking around for his phone. “I can ask the staff to find them.”

It takes about half an hour but eventually we figure it all out. Beomgyu and Kai are thrilled to be having a meal with one of Korea’s finest. They finally believe I’m Soobin’s soulmate. 

Soobin’s bodyguards walk us to the car and Soobin insists my friends ride in the nicer, more roomy van. I think he just wants alone time. This car has a glass pane between the driver and the passengers. 

“Can I hold your hand?” Soobin asks and I’m taken aback. 

I’m used to people acting first without permission and apologizing later if needed. He’s so considerate of my feelings. He makes my heart warmer every moment.

“Yes, please.” he laughs then intertwines our fingers. 

This doesn’t feel like when Felix or Heeseung would hold my hand. This is entirely different and worlds better. Just being in his presence makes me feel less stressed even though I’m freaking out.

“Tell me more about how you grew up. You must know a lot about me already.”

For the entire ride I talk about how I grew up and he asks questions. He genuinely wants to know me and he can’t stop smiling. The man that has made me happy for the past few years is smiling because of me. 

“Have you seen all the embarrassing things I tweeted at you?” I ask not meeting his eye. He squeezes my hand.

“Only from the last few months.” He laughs and my heart dances at the sound. I can’t believe he’s right in front of me. “I see far worse every day. You just send me cute messages.”

Soobin helps me out of the car but lets go of my hand after a pointed look from one of his bodyguards. I knew it’d take time before we’d be able to be seen in public together. I’m willing to wait as long as I have too. 

“Yeonjun!” Kai says appearing with Taehyun and Beomgyu in tow. “This place looks so nice. Ah, Soobin! So nice to meet you.” 

The three of them bow deeply and Soobin blushes. You think he’d be used to this kind of behavior. Maybe he is the shy soft man I thought he was. 

I introduce my friends to Soobin as we enter the restaurant. I can tell my friends have a million questions but I’m swept away to sign an NDA before they can ask anything. 

Once I join Soobin he starts asking my favorite type of food. Conversation flows so easy with him. Soon my friends join the conversation too and it’s like we are old middle school friends meeting up for a meal. 

I excuse myself to the restroom for a moment of calm. This has been the wildest day of my life and it’s not even over yet. I reapply my lip tint and clean up my eye makeup before heading back to the table.

“Yeonjun, my company has an audition spot open tomorrow morning. It’s the last first round for the rest of the year.” Soobin says when I sit back down he places a hand on my knee then quickly retracts it. 

“I-it’s okay.” I say softly then continue louder. “Ah, I don’t live here. I don’t know if it’s realistic for me to come back tomorrow.”

He replaces his hand on my knee and his lips fall into a thoughtful pout. He looks at my friends and Taehyun’s eyes light up.

“Let’s stay at my parent’s apartment! They are in New York right now anyways. I want to explore more. It’s perfect.” 

The thought of seeing Soobin again so soon makes me happy but I’m nervous I won’t be good enough to make it. That would be so embarrassing.

“Okay.” I say putting my hand over Soobin’s hand that is resting on my knee. 

Beomgyu begins talking to Soobin about his writing process and for the next hour we are enthralled with his stories. By eleven we decide we’d better head back to the apartment. Beomgyu and Kai take off before us and Taehyun gets in the car to give me a moment of privacy with Soobin. 

Soobin hands me his phone and I stare up at him confused. 

“Put your number in silly! How else am I supposed to contact you?”

He shows off his bunny smile as I shakily type my number into his phone saving it as a plain Yeonjun. I hand him back his phone and he cautiously hugs me. When he realizes I’m okay with the hug he pulls me in closer. He holds me at an arms length. 

“Do you have time tomorrow?” I ask feeling bold.

“I have another show but you should be done by noon. Come to the company and we can have lunch?” He says with his hand cupping my cheek. He must be able to feel my cheek getting warmer. 

“It’s a date.” I say and immediately try to back track. “I-I mean-”

“No, it’s okay.” He says pulling his hand away. “Finally, a date with my soulmate. We can have a proper one later but for now this will have to do.”

“See you tomorrow, Binnie.”

He smiles again. His cheeks must hurt from how much he’s smiled, mine sure do. If I’m going to be around him more I’m sure I’ll get used to it. 

“Sleep well, Jun and fighting on your audition. I know you’ll do amazing.” 

I get into the car and Taehyun is smiling like a mad man. His plan worked perfectly and I couldn’t be more grateful for him. He gives me a few moments to decompress before he pounces. Taehyun asks every question he can think of on the way home. 

“Did he kiss you?” Taehyun asks after we’ve stepped inside his parent’s apartment. 

“N-no.” I blush thinking of how his spot lips might feel pressed against my own. “We just met, that's hardly appropriate.”

“That’s rich coming from you.”

I hate when he’s right. I’ve had a handful of one night stands and a few boyfriends I’ve kissed on the first date. Soobin is different. I want everything to be perfectly paced and not rushed at all. It’s obvious he doesn’t want to do anything that might make me feel uncomfortable. He asked permission for small things and that melts my heart. 

“He isn’t just some guy. I’ve heard his voice in my mind for my whole life! Excuse me for wanting to do things right.” 

“I know. I know. Come on, we should get some sleep.”

After taking a shower I put on Taehyun’s pajamas. Thankfully he likes big clothes. I walk into his sister’s room and get into bed. 

I decide to put my twitter on private after seeing how many new followers and mentions I have. Netizens are already being rude to Soobin but solace are defending him as much as they can. A few of my mutuals left the fandom and it’s hard to believe I was once friends with them.

An unknown number texts me and I raise my eyebrows before I remember I gave Soobin my number. I save his number as Soobin 🥰

Soobin 🥰: It’s Soobin! I was wondering if you need to go home right after lunch tomorrow or if you’d like to come to my show. It would make me really happy to have you there again. 

A squeal I didn’t know I was capable of producing leaves my mouth. It would make him happy to be around me? The same goes for me, of course, but seeing him say that. AHHH!

Me: Ah Soobin! I would love to come to your show again. I have work the next day but I can make it home with plenty of time. I hope you sleep well ☺️

He doesn’t respond so after looking at the pictures we took together I go to sleep. I fall asleep surprisingly easy for how much is going through my head. 

In the morning Taehyun wakes me up and we head to a cafe near where the auditions are being held. I’m wearing my pants from yesterday with a hoodie of Taehyun’s. I hardly eat anything because I’m so nervous. 

“Yeonjun, you are going to do well.” Taehyun says as we walk into the building. 

Taehyun is just here for moral support. A message from Soobin appears just after I’ve grabbed my number.

Soobin 🥰: Good morning, Yeonjun ☺️

Me: Good morning ☀️ 

Me: see you later 

His message alone is enough to make me smile like an idiot. This is not what I should be thinking about right now. I need to focus on my audition if I want to succeed. 

We start with dancing and are given one hour to learn three minutes of choreography. There are a few talented people, but Taehyun was right. I dance circles around most of them. They give each of us an opportunity to freestyle and they seem impressed by me. 

“03042019 it says you can rap and sing. We all heard you sing last night, but could you rap for us?”

“Of course, sir.”

My heart thumps in my chest as I start but I’m soon overtaken with confidence. The other people auditioning look impressed and that only boosts my ego. 

The judges have wide eyes when I finish. They write on their papers before addressing me. 

“We will email your results by the end of the week. Thank you.”

I bow thanking them for their time and exit the building. Taehyun left when I came inside. He’s going to explore Seoul since he has nothing else to do. 

I have a little time until lunch so I head back to the apartment to wash my face and change my clothes. Why is Taehyun shorter than me? His pants won’t fit me. Maybe if I roll them up. Hmm. 

Taehyun’s pants end up looking fine once I roll them at the bottoms. I walk out of the building with nervousness bubbling in my chest. Being around Soobin will get easier, but for now it’s still overwhelming. 

About a block away from the company I get out of the car and call Soobin. Just this act alone makes me nervous. What if I interrupt him?

“Yeonjun?” He asks and I can hear music in the background. 

“I’m outside the company, will you come find me?”

“Of course. See you soon!”

He hangs up the phone and I walk closer to the building trying to not draw attention to myself. There are sasaengs standing outside and I’d rather not interact with them. 

Several minutes later I see pink hair pop out of the front door. Soobin waves to me and I quickly walk over with a smile blooming across my face. 

“How did your audition go?” Soobin asks leading me somewhere. 

He’s wearing a loose white shirt and adidas sweatpants. I wouldn’t like it in most people but it’s nice to see him so comfortable. Soobin looks energized as we walk down the hall. 

“I think it went well. Some of the participants didn’t seem to have much experience.” Soobin giggles and I raise an eyebrow. “What?”

“My main producer was there and he texted me to complain. He said there were maybe five good ones and he thinks only three of you will make it to the second round. He seemed impressed by you!” 

Soobin looks ecstatic as he tells me this. He continues telling me what the producer thought until we reach a door labeled ‘Choi Soobin Do Not Disturb.’ This must be his studio. 

He removes his shoes and I follow suit. I’ve seen the inside of his studio in videos but it’s so much nicer in person. On the table I can see he’s ordered gimbap and a variety of drinks.

“It’s so much nicer in person.” I mutter watching Soobin take a seat on the sofa.

He pats the space beside him and I carefully take a seat. His records are handing on the wall along with pictures of things important to him. In a video a long time ago he explained the meaning. 

“Thank you!” He eats a piece of food then looks at the drinks. “I wasn’t sure what you like so I got a few kinds.”

I’m not sure what to say and it’s silent for a few minutes while we eat. Then I ask Soobin some of the questions I’ve always wanted to know. Things about his childhood and school life that he hasn’t shared. What he’s really like. Not just what he projects. 

“Excuse me if I’m being too nosy but have you dated? Your tweets make it seem like…” Soobin trails off taking a sip of his coke.

My face heats up as I look away. Just how many tweets has he read? If he’s read the ones about me getting railed, I should leave now. 

“Honestly, I got lonely often so I’ve dated a few people.”

Soobin nods his head like he understands. He looks away for a moment before he speaks.

“Me too. Last year was the last time. You started singing more often and it was harder for me to focus on someone else.” He chuckles. “At least I got a few good songs out of it.”

I hadn’t expected Soobin to have dating experience. He’s so well media trained I was fooled to thinking he was pure. Then again he does have a few songs that performed a little too well for him to have done nothing. 

“I’m very glad to get to know the real you.”

Soobin’s eyes are shining as he lays a hand on my shoulder gently. He waits for my reaction before leaning closer to me. Our faces are just a few inches apart when he backs away. I’ve never felt a greater urge to kiss someone. Thoughts of kissing him have often filled my mind but until now it was just a fantasy. 

A knock on the door brings me back to reality. Soobin’s face turns serious as he stands to open the door. After seeing who it is he turns around and begins picking up the trash. I help him and he smiles at me.

“Time to go.” He puts the trash into a plastic bag and hands it to the person outside. “Can you hand me my jacket, Jun?”

I look at his set up and see his phone and jacket. I grab the soft grey jacket and his phone. It lights up and I see a photo he must’ve taken on stage as his background. A photo of solace. 

“Where was that photo taken?” I ask, handing him his things. 

“Oh, my lock screen? California!” Soobin looks curious as we walk down the hallway. “What’s yours?” 

Embarrassed, I pull my phone out of my pocket and show him. It’s a selfie he posted two weeks ago. He looks cozy and comfortable in the photo. 

“It’s a photo of you.”

“You were singing when I took that!” He looks love sic until he thinks of something else. “It was a love song. Nothing like you’ve been singing this week.”

“You were right when you said-”

A facetime call come through from Kai and Beomgyu and I give Soobin an apologetic look before answering. They never call me out of the blue it must be important. 

“Yeonjun! Wait, are you in the Big Hit building?” Beomgyu asks his face comically close to the camera.

“SOOBIN?” Kai yells and I cringe pointing the camera at Soobin momentarily.

“We are about to leave what’s so important you need to call me in the middle of the day?”

Kai and Beomgyu smile like they have a secret. 

“3! 2! 1! WE PASSED OUR AUDITION!” They yell and I’m thoroughly confused.

Then I remember them joking about sending in videos to bighit. Was it never a joke? I’ve seen them dance and heard them sing. They have the talent for it. I could be a trainee with all my best friends!

“No way! My friend Taehyun passed too! They said they’d tell me results by the end of the week.”

“My favorite producer wouldn’t shut up about him.” Soobin says as we continue to walk down the hall.

We talk for a few more minutes before I hang up because I need to get in the car. Soobin lays his hand in between us offering it to me. I gladly take it feeling grateful for the warmth and the soft touch. 

“Did you break up with someone last week?” Soobin asks suddenly and I pull away. 

“How much of my twitter did you read?” I say more forcefully than I meant to.

“Ah, I’m sorry maybe I shouldn’t be so forward. It’s easy to recognize when you’re going through something because you sing sad songs. I was worried.”

He was worried? Without even meeting me? Soobin didn’t have any knowledge about me other than my music taste and he still worried. I worry about him a lot but I think that might be different. 

“I’m sorry if I caused you stress. It was just a little different this time, but that’s all in the past now. I’ve found you.”

He smiles but it doesn’t reach his eyes like he might be worrying about the lasting impact my relationships had on me. 

“I’ll stop asking such invasive questions, we can do that when we are a little more comfortable.”

Soobin holds my hand all the way to the studium. We enter through the back to avoid being seen by any fans. Soobin is whisked away for sound check and last minute fittings. I’m left alone in the green room.

Things are a mess on twitter. I see ‘solace’ saying the company should drop Soobin because no one wants an artist who’s found their soulmate. Not to mention the blatant homophobia coming from hundreds of accounts. 

Even if I wasn’t his soulmate, I would still want him to find them. I can’t fathom people calling themselves fans when they don’t have his best interest at heart. He’s a person with feelings and flaws just like everyone else. Too many people fail to realize idols are just like us when they go home. 

I don’t see Soobin until after the soundcheck and he looks upset. After exchanging looks with one of the managers the staff leave the room. Soobin sits beside me and leans his head against my shoulder. 

“Only half of them showed up.” His voice breaks and he buries his face into my shoulder. “I saw people trying to sell their tickets.”

I can feel tears seeping into the fabric on my shoulder. Quickly, I pull Soobin into a hug and stroke the back of his head.

“It’s their loss. You are incredible no matter what those fake fans say about you.” I hold him close trying to think of something that might calm his sobs. “I’ve been a solace for years. There are enough of us that think like me and others who will get over the shock.”

“What if the stadium is empty too?” He pulls away wiping his tears.

“Then you put on the best show possible for whoever is smart enough to stick around.” I hug him tightly before pulling back. “And please, stop looking at twitter. It’s going to make you upset when you’ve done nothing wrong.”

He doesn’t say anything for a while and I start looking at twitter. I show him the nice tweets, until the makeup artist asks him to sit somewhere else. I follow them to the makeup chair, but step further away when I see a staff with a camera. 

Soobin begins talking about last night's show and how he can’t wait to see everyone tonight. It’s crazy to see the immediate switch from every day Soobin with a million worries to idol Soobin. 

He’s more confident in person then he makes himself seem. I wonder if it’s because I’m being shy. I’ve idolized this man for years so it’s quite difficult to be my usual self.

“Yeonjun?” Soobin asks still sitting in the hair and makeup chair sometime later. 

“Yes?” I reply looking up to his bangs clipped back in a way that makes my heart shake. 

“Are your friends coming tonight? They were so nice yesterday. We can upgrade their seats.”

I explain that Beomgyu and Kai have tickets for today but Taehyun doesn’t. Soobin looks at one of the staff and they nod their head before walking out of the room. I assume they are going to work the tickets out. My friends will be thrilled, but I know this will lead to teasing about my ‘soulmate’ privilege. 

Soobin asks me about something that happened in his fandom awhile ago and I’m shocked that he saw it. For a while we talk about crazy things he wish he wouldn’t see. 

“Then there was that video of me falling off the stage in Mexico-”

The chime of my phone interrupts him and I see another facetime call from Beomgyu. I quickly answer it giggling at the thought of them jumping up and down with excitement.

“Hi, both of us just got emails saying our seats have been upgraded! Please tell us someone isn’t trying to trick us.” Beomgyu says as soon as I pick up. He and Kai are using one phone squished together so they are both in frame.

“It’s not fake!” I assure them and Soobin laughs from behind me.

“Don’t use your soulmate privilege! We can never pay you back for this.” Kai whines clawing at his sweatshirt.

“It was my idea.” Soobin says walking up behind me. “Don’t worry about it. You have been so nice to me and Yeonjun. It’s honestly no big deal. I hope you enjoy the show!”

I talk to them for a few minutes longer trying to reassure them that this is okay. Honestly, if I was in their shoes I’d feel the same way. Taehyun decided to join Beomgyu and Kai, but I’ll be staying back here or watching from the side of the stage. 

The longer I spend with Soobin the more comfortable I feel. I think I’m finally getting over the whole starstruck thing. We spend the time before the concert learning more about each other without going too deep.

From the multiview screen in the green room we can see the stadium is still packed. Just like I knew it would be. I don’t say it out loud but I can tell how happy he is.

I watch most of the show from the side of the stage. He’s absolutely incredible as always and this view just gives me a greater appreciation. My soulmate is really one of Korea’s top artists. I hope one day we can share the stage. 

“When can I see you again?” Soobin asks after the show spread across the couch. 

“If I pass my audition-”

“When you pass your audition.” He corrects making a fake angry face.

“Anyways...once I get the email I’ll make my plans. The second round is next week and you don’t leave on your U.S. tour for another two weeks. So next week if all goes well.”

He tilts his head back and I stare at his exposed neck. For a moment he says nothing, then he looks up and smiles. 

“Just let me know and I’ll plan something for us.”

Taehyun appears with one of Soobin’s managers and my heart aches. I’m already so attached to him. Hopefully, I’ll see him next week. 

“Okay.” 

I’m about to walk away when Soobin jumps to his feet and holds out his arms. I step into his arms and I hear Taehyun click his tongue. He must be jealous. We haven’t found his soulmate yet. Taehyun thinks she’s American, but likes kpop. 

“I’m going to do a v-live when I get home, but text me when you get home safely, okay?” 

I nod then turn away to Taehyun who looks tired but still excited. He starts talking fast about the show and I listen to him diligently while we make our way to the car. The halls are dark but Soobin’s staff knows where to go. 

“I have an idea.” Taehyun says once we are in the car heading home. “When you get your email that you passed we should move to Seoul. My parents have multiple places and they’d be happy to let us have one until we move into trainee dorms.”

Why is he making plans when I haven’t even passed the audition yet? I don’t want to get too excited in case it doesn’t work out. Taehyun puts a hand on my shoulder.

“I guess so, but what about my apartment? I still have months left on the lease.”

“I’ll pay whatever fee to get you out of it.” I’m about to object but he puts his hand over my mouth and gives me a stent look. “You can pay me back when we debut together.”

For a moment I imagine a world in which I debut with my best friend. Nothing would make me happier than to spend every day working with him. We know each other so well we’d make the perfect team. For some reason I’ve always imagined myself in a five piece group.

I want to argue more but I see a notification that Soobin is live. I curl up on the seat and watch my soulmate greet his fans. Soobin talks about how great these last two days were. He’s ignoring comments about me and I'm grateful. Most of the comments are very nice. 

“Please be kind to me and to each other and everyone else.” Soobin says as we pull into my apartment complex. I say goodbye to Taehyun and grab my stuff before heading inside. I’m still watching Soobin speak. 

Once inside I put the v-live on my laptop so I can text Soobin that I’m home. I watch his phone ding and his eyes light up. He can’t stop smiling and he looks at the camera with a shy face.

“I’m going to go now. My friend texted me. I hope you enjoyed the show and I can’t wait for the rest of tour! See you soon, Solace.”

Soobin🥰: i’m glad you’re home safe. please rest well 

Me: Sleep well, Binnie

Even after spending hours with him today, a simple text makes my heart flutter. I’ve never doubted our soulmate system but every moment I trust it more. 

Soobin starts singing as I get into the shower. I join in singing harmony and I can hear the smile in his voice. Behind his vocals water splashes and my thoughts get steamy a little too quickly. Cold water calms my thoughts and other problem. Before I know it I’m falling asleep to the sound of Soobin’s voice in my mind.

Every morning I wake up with a text from my soulmate wishing me a good morning. Soobin is busy preparing last minute things for the American leg of the tour, but he makes time for me. Whenever he has a break he sends me a message or a selfie. 

On Wednesday, my day off, I’m sitting in bed when I receive an email from Bighit Entertainment. I jump up as I read the email informing me I’ve made it to the second round. A victory cry leaves my body without a thought. My dreams are coming true. 

My first instinct is to call Soobin and after two rings I’m thinking of hanging up, but then he answers. 

“Hello?” He sounds out of breath like he might have been rehearsing. 

“I passed the audition!! I’ll be there on Friday.” I say and I can’t contain my excitement. I’m practically bouncing around the room.

“Really?!” Soobin sounds just as excited as me. “I’m so proud of you! They told me two days ago but I was forbidden from telling you. It was so hard to keep the secret.”

“Did I interrupt your practice?” 

“Yes, but I was about to take a break anyways. Can you let me know when you’ll be here on Friday? I’m sure you have a lot of stuff to figure out so no rush.”

He’s so kind and willing to work with me. The fact that he wants to make time for me even with his busy schedule makes me like him all the more.

“Of course. I’ll text you later. Right, now I want to call my parents and friends.” I pause then continue still full of happiness. “Have a good practice.”

“I’m so proud of you. Talk to you later. Bye.” 

The next few hours are spent calling everyone to tell them my great news. My parents are excited for me but my father still looked like he wasn’t sure. 

My mother is a lot more internet savvy than my father so she’s seen the video of Soobin and I. She’s happy for me despite my worries that she might not like him because he’s a man. She wouldn’t shut up about how rich and handsome he is. I can’t argue about that but she doesn't need to go on and on about it. 

Taehyun, Beomgyu and Kai are the last people I call. Since the concert we’ve added Taehyun to our group chat and he’s getting along with everyone well. No one is surprised I made it but they are so happy. Taehyun invites them to stay at his parent’s apartment with us and they gladly accept. 

“I think my soulmate is on Stayc stan twitter. I saw a video the other day that sounded just like my soulmate. I’m scared to message her because what if it’s not her that'd be awkward.” Taehyun days after we’ve figured out our arrangements.

“The worst that could happen is an awkward conversation. The best that could happen is you finally find the voice in your head.” Beomgyu says and I can tell he’s trying not to roll his eyes. 

They’ve become really close over the last few days and Beomgyu has a low tolerance for stupidity. I agree with Beomgyu. Not everyone has as easy of a time as me.

“What should I DM her? I can’t just start with ‘Hey I think you might be my soulmate.’ That’d be weird.”

It takes thirty minutes for us to think of something that won’t get him immediately blocked by this mystery girl. 

Taehyun explained that the video was an edit with the girl's voice over it. Her carrd makes Taehyun think her name is Tasia. He couldn’t find a photo of her but it seems like she’s one year younger than him. 

I begin packing my belongings and thinking of the memories I’ve made in this place. Most of them are easily forgettable. So many drunk nights with boys who couldn’t be who I really needed. Of course they couldn't. There is only one Choi Soobin. 

“Jun!” Taehyun calls from the doorway as he removes his shoes. I didn’t invite him over but that’s never stopped him before. “I sang for this girl and she heard me! She’s American but she’s in Korea teaching for the year.”

“So when are you going to meet her?” I ask when he walks into the living room. 

He sees that I’m packing and immediately starts helping me much to my surprise.

“I’m taking her to dinner on Friday. Before you ask, we video called so I could make sure she wasn’t lying. She’s beautiful, Yeonjun.”

Taehyun won’t stop talking about Tasia while we pack my things. It makes me happy to see him so excited. I’ve never seen him talk like this before. Instant love. I wonder if I look like that when I talk about Soobin.

Every moment that I’m not packing or working is spent practicing choreography and vocals. I need to train hard or I’ll never achieve my dream.

Soobin sends me text messages every morning. We decided on an evening date. Soobin won’t disclose any details and it’s driving me a little insane. How do I dress for a first date with my soulmate when he won’t tell me what we are doing? 

On Friday morning I wake up early filled with excitement. Today I’m moving to a new city and having my first date with Soobin. 

Soobin🥰: Good morning, Junie! See you later 💚

Me: Good morning ☺️

I roll out of Taehyun’s guest bed and gather my things. The last thing I want is to leave anything behind. Last night we packed everything into a moving truck and today we will spend the day unpacking. The second round of auditions is on Monday. Whoever passes round two will officially become a trainee. Maybe we are being a little arrogant moving all our stuff before we officially pass, but Taehyun doesn’t think there is a timeline where we don’t pass.

Soobin told me last night we would be doing group performances. He said typically people auditioning know the second round is more about teamwork. It’s important to be able to work with people in this industry.

“Taehyun,” I call through the door as I knock. “Get up we need to leave in an hour.”

Ten minutes later Taehyun joins me in the kitchen with a smile on his face. He unlocks his phone then shows me a picture of a pretty girl. I assume this must be Tasia. 

I do the same showing him a selfie Soobin sent me that he didn’t post on twitter. Taehyun makes a fake mad face but we end up laughing. 

After eating breakfast we get into the car with the last of our things and leave for our hopefully new lives in the city. Our soulmates nearby will surely change a lot of things.

When Taehyun told his parents his plans to move into the apartment they removed his sister's things. Except her bed they’ll have to share that until the new ones arrive. They didn’t seem particularly bothered by it, so that’s a plus. 

His parents offered me their room which they have also redone for our stay. I think it’s a little extravagant but Taehyun says his parents have been looking for a reason to do it for a long time. 

It's nearly four by the time everyone is here and mostly done unpacking. I’m supposed to meet Soobin at 6PM at the Bighit building. He texted me a few hours ago saying his original plan was no longer available, but his next best will still be amazing.

I spend much longer than I’d like to admit on my hair and makeup. By the end I do look hot though. Beomgyu whistles at me when I walk into the living room. Kai gives Beomgyu the stink eye and I momentarily wonder what’s going on before I see Taehyun.

He’s parted his hair so you can see his forehead and he’s wearing just a little bit of makeup. He’s chosen a nice button up shirt but made the outfit more casual with a pair of dark pants. Taehyun has chosen a long coat to tie the look together. He looks handsome. 

He’s taking his soulmate out for dinner then maybe to a movie at least that’s what he said this morning. They are going with the flow because apparently that’s more her style. He must be so grateful his mother made him study english right now. 

I’m quite nervous as I ride the public transportation to the Bighit building. Each passing second makes my heart beat faster. I’m about to have a date with Choi Soobin.

It’s intimidating walking into the building even though I’ve already been here a few times. I stop at one of the front desks to ask where Soobin is. He told me to do this and the staff leads me to the roof.

I close the door behind me and see the staff reopen it and stick a wedge of wood down. My eyes scan the rooftop looking for Soobin. I walk around the corner and in the gleam of the setting sun I see him.

His hair is pushed off his forehead and he’s wearing a suit minus the jacket. I feel a little underdressed but that thought is thrown out of my head quickly. Soobin is sat at a table surrounded by candles. The round table has a deep red table cloth that matches his suit almost perfectly. In front of him on the table there are a variety of dishes. Soft piano music is coming from a speaker behind Soobin’s chair. He’s thought of everything.

“Yeonjun!” His face lights up as he speaks. He jumps to his feet narrowly missing the table. “I missed you.”

I walk towards him and we meet somewhere in the middle and hug. He doesn’t need to ask for this anymore. I’m more comfortable in his arms than anywhere else. He smells just as good as he looks. 

“I missed you too.” I say not meeting his eye.

We sit down gazing into the beautiful sunset for a moment before I hear the shutter of an iphone camera. I whip my head towards him and see he’s taking photos of me. 

“You’re so handsome. I couldn’t resist.”

I can feel a blush rushing to my cheeks and I pull my own phone out. He gives me a shy look but smiles nonetheless.

“Solace will love this.” 

That makes him smile so big his dimples show. I take a few zoomed in far enough that you can’t see the meal in front of us. I can’t get over how utterly stunning he is in every one.

He reaches for my hand and pulls me into his side to take a few pictures together. We are laughing by the time we settle down on separate sides of the table. 

“Originally, I wanted to take you to a restaurant I really like but my manager advised against it.”

We had already been talking and eating for several minutes when he said this. It makes sense that we’d need to be in private. Sometimes I forget he’s a superstar when he’s telling me about something funny his nephew did or how his mother scolded him. 

“I like this. No one needs to worry and I have you all to myself.”

I’m not sure where that confidence came from but I’m happy to see the flush of pink to his cheeks in the dimming light. 

We continue to eat until most of the plates are empty and it’s gotten much colder outside. I don’t want to say anything and ruin our beautiful moment but I’m cold.

“Let’s go to my studio for a minute then we can go for a walk?” Soobin says wiping his mouth on a napkin before pulling out a mint. He offers me one and I accept trying not to think about why he wants nice breath. 

“Yeah. That sounds nice.” 

I’m shocked when he takes my hand but I’m grateful for the warmth. He looks down at my hand before he speaks. 

“Oh. Your hand is so cold. Why didn’t you tell me you were cold?” He looks concerned and my heart thumps.

“I’m fine, promise. I didn’t want to ruin our moment.”

He seems surprised when I say that but keeps walking without another word. We arrive at his studio and remove our shoes before stepping inside. It looks the same as it did last week. Maybe a little more messy. There is sheet music strung across the table. 

“Here.” He hands me a fuzzy hooded sweater and I accept it. 

After putting the sweater on, Soobin is staring at me. I almost ask him if he wants to fight but I don’t think that’s appropriate. He puts on another jacket and runs a hand through his hair.

I step closer to him until we are almost toe to toe. He puts a hand on my waist and I copy his action. I stare at his soft pink lips wondering if he wants to kiss me as much as I want to kiss him.

I swear my heart might beat out of my chest as Soobin traces a finger across my jawline. He lifts my head so I’ll look into his eyes. I want to close my eyes but I know I shouldn’t. 

“Let’s go for a walk first.” He says in a low voice.

I’ve never heard him use that voice before which compels me to follow him. It’s dark outside making it easier for Soobin to be in public with me without causing suspicion. 

First? What does he mean first? He wants to kiss me? Has he thought about kissing me? Obviously, I’ve thought about kissing him more than I’d like to admit. The thought of him having the same thoughts seems like a wild fantasy. Like that fanfiction I read last month where he and Sana from Twice are in a master sub relationship while struggling with the hardships of being idols. 

“What are you doing tomorrow?” I ask as we walk down the street.

The street lights cast a dim glow on Soobin’s face. I think he would be beautiful no matter the situation. Everything about him is so attractive. His skin is clear and looks soft. I wish I could touch it. 

“I’ve asked for the day off. I was hoping to spend time with you.”

He wants to spend time with me? What could we do? I know everything doesn’t need to be a big event but I need to impress him. He might get bored of me. Even soulmates sometimes don’t stay with each other. Not that I understand why someone would do that. 

“Oh. What do you want to do?” 

He seems to muse over this for a minute before he pulls me to sit on a bench facing a grass field. Soobin takes my hand and holds it inside his pocket to keep it warm. 

“Something simple. Lets get boba and chicken then watch movies all day.”

It’s never occurred to me that he probably doesn’t get to do that often. I want him to have normal experiences too. Everyone deserves a comfy movie day. 

“That sounds wonderful.” I squeeze his hand and his smile brightens the darkness.

“Let me know when you wake up tomorrow and I’ll come get you. Or we could stay at Taehyun’s place if you’re more comfortable.”

“Ahh. There are three other boys living there. I don’t want them to bother you.” I say and Soobin makes a face of confusion. 

“I don’t think they would, but I’m glad to follow what you want.” 

He pulls my hand out of his pocket and up to his mouth. He plants a soft his across my knuckles and it takes everything in me not to scream. 

Soobin stands and I follow him. We are walking towards a tree wrapped in fairy lights. This man sure knows how to make me weak in my knees. 

He takes a picture of me while I’m wondering how I hit the jackpot of soulmates. This is the most one on a million thing to ever happen. Last week I was fanboying over him now he wants to hold my hand. 

As I look at the tree Soobin steps closer to me until when I turn around he’s right in front of me. I jump but he puts a hand on the small of my back. My hand is on his chest and I can feel his muscles even through his jacket.

Soobin’s other hand holds my cheek and jaw, lifting it to make eye contact. His eyes are shining but they look nervous, something that doesn’t fit his normal persona. His hand is warm and soft like your favorite blanket right out of the dryer. 

“Yeonjun?” he says softly.

“Hmm?” I don’t trust myself to speak with my soulmate's hand on my cheek.

“May I kiss you?”

My eyes widen before I take a breath to regain my cool. I nod my head and he eyes me for a second before leaning in. His lips taste like mint and are soft like silk. I don’t feel like I’m kissing a world renowned singer/songwriter. I’m kissing Choi Soobin, my soulmate with no fancy title. We are just two people. 

It’s easily the most exciting kiss I’ve ever had. My stomach is filled with butterflies as we continue to kiss. No one can compete with Soobin. I feel like I must be dreaming. 

When we pull away neither of us know what to say, so we giggle. His laugh is musical in person and makes my heart sing. We kiss again and again. It’s such a nice feeling nearly indescribable.

A driver is waiting for us when we get back to the Bighit building. Soobin insists on coming with me to make sure I get home safely. He holds my hand in the car. 

“Your friends are nice. I want to say hello.” Soobin says trying to convince me this isn’t a waste of his precious time. “Anyways, it’s more time with you.”

Beomgyu and Kai are watching a youtube video titled ‘Soobin in america part 3’ curled up on the couch together when we walk in. They quickly shut it off seeming embarrassed to have been caught watching that. 

“I love those videos! It makes me seem funny.” Soobin says and all three of us give him a strange look.

“But you are funny.” Kai says making room for us on the sofa. 

A moment ago it was covered in clothes that Beomgyu still hasn’t put away. I’m sure he’ll get there eventually. Taehyun’s sister has a big closet but these boys are lazy when it comes to things like this.

“Have you ever read fanfiction about yourself?” Beomgyu asks with no prior reason.

“No! Beomie why would you ask that?”

Kai is giving him the same taken aback look. Beomgyu is too bold to be talking to my soulmate. He’s going to scare him away. Unless, Soobin likes being treated just like another one of the guys. Beomgyu would ask anyone else about their fanfiction reading habits.

“I’ve read a few actually. Some of them are well written. Usually, I’ll read things about other idols if I want to read fanfiction. I like Namjin and Satzu even though neither of them are together.”

Beomgyu pouts for a second like he might’ve thought one of those couples was real. He has gone on hour long rants about Namjin before. I bet he’s excited to hear tea from Soobin. 

Kai and Beomgyu alternate asking questions for a while. They want tea about the industry but Soobin doesn’t feel comfortable telling us what he knows. 

“Have you ever dated an idol?” Kai asks, then looks at me and slaps a hand to his mouth. 

I start panicking because I have no idea what to say or do. We haven’t discussed that and I don’t want him to answer that in front of my friends. Soobin not wanting to answer also means he has and how can I ever live up to an idol. Actually, fuck that yes I can. I’m his soulmate for a reason. Those idols don’t get to spend the rest of their lives with him. 

“We haven’t discussed our dating history yet so let’s leave that for another time.” Soobin says glancing over at me with a small smile.

I quickly change the conversation to a lighter topic and soon we are laughing. Soobin takes me hand and I can see Kai raising his eyebrow at me. I’m not sure if he’s judging me or not. 

Maybe he’d understand if he had a soulmate. I really want to say that out loud but I don’t think now is the right time to pick a fight with him. Instead I listen to Beomgyu describe a trip he and Kai went on last year. 

“If I didn’t know better I’d think you were soulmates. It sounds like you are describing a romantic getaway. ” Soobin says, looking between Beomgyu and Kai. 

They start laughing harder than I’ve ever seen them laugh. It takes several minutes to console them enough that we can understand them and then they start arguing.

“I said over a year. You owe me!” Beomgyu pushes Kai’s shoulder. 

“Yeonjun didn’t figure it out. Soobin did, no money.” Kai retorts then turns to us. “When we first started talking to you we made a bet to see how long it would take you to realize we are soulmates.”

“We thought it would be a few months tops. I’ve posted photos of me kissing his cheek.”

Suddenly, I’m remembering every weird thing I brushed off. It was none of my business but maybe I am not very perceptive. How did I miss this?

“Bros being bros.” I say then continue, “I just thought you were really affectionate to your friends.”

“I told you he was too dumb to realize it. He would’ve had to catch us making out to believe it.”

“Hey that’s rude!” I reply looking over to Soobin who seems to find this whole thing hilarious.

“You’ve known them for a year and video called multiple times and you didn’t figure it out?” Soobin questions and I flick his bicep.

“They weren’t that gay on the timeline.”

The next half hour is spent talking about obvious clues I missed. I’m so happy that Beomgyu and Kai have each other. All my best friends have their soulmate. No room for jealousy anymore. 

“It’s been nice hanging out with you but I should go. See you soon.” He says to Beomgyu and Kai sometime later.

“Bye.” They say together already turning back to the TV where I’m certain they will watch Soobin videos.

I walk Soobin outside the building. He looks genuinely happy and that makes everything worth it. I’m so glad he’s getting along with my best friends. It makes life so much easier. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” He says leaning close to me. 

“See you tomorrow.” 

I lean forward for a chaste kiss but am interrupted by the sound of feet behind me. Soobin and I jump apart and he turns red before walking away. The last thing we need is a scandalous picture of us kissing being leaked. 

Taehyun is standing behind us with an eyebrow raised. I know he’s going to ask for every detail the moment we are behind closed doors. He walks quietly beside me.

Of course, I’m right and I’m bombarded with questions as soon as the door is locked behind us. 

“Did you kiss him?” Taehyun questions. 

“Where did you go?” Beomgyu asks looking between Taehyun and I like we didn’t tell him in the group chat.

“What did you eat?” Kai asks, followed by coming closer to look at Taehyun’s face. “Did you kiss her? There is lipstick on your face!!”

“A gentleman doesn't kiss and tell.” Taehyun says walking over to the sofa where he folds his arms behind his head. “I ended up asking Tasia’s best friend, Bella, for advice and changed my whole plan. We went on a moonlight picnic near the water. I brought candles and flowers. She looked so beautiful in the dress she wore. We talked for hours and went for a walk. Maybe we kissed while the moonlight washed over her soft features, maybe we didn’t.”

He pulls out his phone and shows us pictures. He’s gushing about how amazing she is. Taehyun has met her once and he’s already head over heels in love.

“Anyway, enough about my date,” Taehyun says an hour later. “What did you do with Soobin?”

I tell them every detail down to Taehyun interrupting us downstairs. They are excited to know Soobin is every bit as romantic as we always thought he was. I show them pictures and they are even more surprised by the details. Soobin must’ve put a lot of thought into this and on such short notice too. It really makes me appreciate his effort. 

“You’re still wearing his hoodie.” Taehyun says petting the fabric. “I bet this is expensive.”

“I’ll give it back to him tomorrow. We are having a movie day at his place.”

“A second date already?” Beomgyu says running a hand through Kai’s hair while he rests on his lap.

They don’t need an explanation but they are my best friends so of course I’m going to give them one. Anyone in my position would do the same. Soon my soulmate will be on the other side of the world. We’ve just met so of course I want to spend every moment I can with him until he leaves. Soobin seems just as eager to spend time with me so I’m trying not to feel insecure or clingy. 

“He’s going on tour soon and I’m going to be busy training. I want to spend as much time with him as I can before he leaves.”

Taehyun looks sympathetic for my situation and I know he’ll help me see Soobin if I ask him. I won’t but I know he would help me if I asked. He’s so overwhelmed with his new found love I’m sure he hasn’t thought about what might happen when Tasia goes back to America. That’s a thought for another time. 

The rest of the night is chill spent watching videos and occasionally talking. Apparently, Taehyun knew they were soulmates but never felt the need to tell me. How could I have missed that? How did everyone except me know?

Soobin posts the pictures I took of him on twitter and solace are going absolutely nuts. A lot of theories on what he could be doing are circulating through the fandom. Most of them think he’s filming something because why else would he be dressed that nicely. I saw one or two people say maybe he’s on a date with his soulmate, but most people shot that idea down. Of course, they don’t want to acknowledge my existence and if that means I won’t receive hateful comments then I’m okay with that. 

I take a long shower to think through some things and practice a few songs. Soobin joins for a little while then stops. I don’t feel bad about singing because I know Soobin doesn’t have a schedule tomorrow. Meaning he can sleep as late as he wants. I wish he had more days like that, but that’s a fool’s dream when you are an idol. 

Soobin fills my dreams and I’m well rested when I wake in the morning at nearly 11. I feel happy and excited to spend the day with him. I’ve always preferred calm environments over stressful planned to the minute hangouts. The latter can be nice sometimes but hanging out and watching movies all day sounds wonderful.

Me: Good morning Binnie 

Soobin🥰: Goodmorning Junnie

Soobin🥰: Did you sleep well? I can be there in twenty minutes 

I tell him I slept well and he can come over whenever he’s ready. I get up and spend far too long trying to find something to wear. This is casual so I should wear something comfortable, but I still want to look cute. I decide on a pair of sweatpants that fit me a bit high waisted with a cropped hoodie. I’m taking an outfit picture when someone knocks on my door.

“Soobin’s here.” Kai says without opening the door and I make a worried sound. 

My hair is a mess and with no time to fix it I shove a beanie over it. I look in the mirror one last time before walking into the living room. Soobin is sitting on the couch talking to Taehyun. It sounds like he’s recounting his date again. Soobin seems to be genuinely interested. I let Taehyun finish his story before I call attention to myself.

“I’m ready.” 

Soobin smiles when he sees me and my stomach does the flippy over thing. I wonder how long it will be before I stop reacting like this everytime he smiles at me. I hope it never stops. 

“Have fun you two.” Beomgyu says from across the room. “Don’t do anything I wouldn’t do.”

“What does he mean-” 

I pull Soobin out of the apartment before my best friends can say anything to embarrass me. There are some things that I should tell Soobin myself and the things they might be implying is certainly something I should say first. I’m reminded of the dating history question from yesterday, but decide to save that for later.   
Soobin is dressed similarly to me. He’s opted for a full length hoodie instead of a cropped one though. His hair is a little messy but I think he looks cute like this. He isn’t wearing any makeup and he’s just as handsome. 

Our car ride is mostly quiet and we have to enter his building through the backdoor. Apparently, there are reporters out front waiting for their next Soobin headline. We are ot going to give them the pleasure.

We decide to order food as soon as we get inside. Soobin shows me to the living room and lets me pick what to watch first. The apartment is grand and has an empty feeling. There isn’t very much clutter in the rooms I can see. It looks like he has an extensive collection of games hidden away in the TV stand.

I sit on the sectional which has a few decorative pillows and pick up the remote. I’m not sure what type of movie to play so I pick something that I’ve already seen. I’m much more interested in talking to him than I am to actually watch something. 

Soobin reappears with a huge navy blue comforter in hand and sits beside me so close our hips are touching. He pulls the foot rest against the couch so we can put our feet up. Then he covers us with the blanket.

He starts the movie and we make a few comments here and there. When the main leads kiss for the first time I speak without thinking. 

“How was your first kiss?”

Soobin turns to me with an amused smile on his face. I wonder if he’s thinking about it right now. 

“Honestly, it wasn’t great. I was twelve and didn’t know what I was doing. Neither did she I guess. She was my girlfriend for maybe a week.” He wraps his arm around me pulling me towards his chest. I cuddle against his chest and I can hear his heart pounding. “What about you, Junnie?”

“I was sixteen when I had my first kiss. His name is Park Minhyuk and he's actually an idol now.”  
Soobin looks confused for a second like he’s heard that name somewhere. Of course, he has heard his name. He’s in the same industry as Soobin and there are videos of them together. He pulls away and I give him a confused look. Why is he having this reaction?

“Astro?!” Soobin says surprised and I nod my head. “I used to date him for like six months last year.”

“I WAS RIGHT?” I shout jumping up. I sit down and cover my face when I realize how embarrassing I’m being. “I wrote a multi page theory about you and Minhyuk. I spent hours analyzing clips. Everyone told me I was dumb.”

“You really were my biggest fan.” He pulls my hands away from my face and laughs. “I can’t believe we’ve both kissed him.”

This gives us the perfect segue to our dating history. We ignore the movie and Soobin tells me about his short dating history. He has dated two idols and one person in high school. Most of my relationships were mostly friends with benefits and I tell him that. It’s a little bit awkward but it’s easier to get this out of the way now. He tells me about that kind of history too and we are closer than ever by the time our chicken and boba arrives. 

We spend the day cuddled up watching movies with no interruptions. I’m surprised that no one has tried to call Soobin. I’m happy to be completely alone with him. No worries or expectations. 

He insists on taking pictures with me and I insist on taking pictures of him for his twitter. I know what his fans want to see. I show him the last one I took and he smiles.

“Boyfriend pictures. Solace love these. They make the best phone backgrounds.”

Soobin seems to love the idea of giving fans what they want (within reason). He posts the photos to twitter with the caption ‘Resting well 😴 have a good day solace.’ We watch twitter freak out together and he’s laughing. Soobin keeps scrolling through twitter on his secret account then suddenly he speaks. 

“Can I be your boyfriend?”

He drops his phone and takes my face in his hands. My heart is beating wildly. What fanfiction am I living in? This must be some wild self insert fantasy I’ve dreamed up. Choi Soobin just asked to be my boyfriend. His eyes are soft but somehow still serious.

“Yes!” I nod my head and he smiles before leaning into kiss me. He uses a little too much force sending us toppling backwards on the couch. Soobin is on top of me and I’m not complaining.

The next month of my life is spent in almost constant practice. It was easy for the four of us to pass the second audition. Soon after, we signed our trainee contracts then moved into our dorms. We share a dorm with two other people. 

Most nights I don’t come home until 10PM and I wake up at 6. Trainee life isn’t glamorous especially when I can’t see my boyfriend. He sends me messages every morning and we video chat a few times a week but it’s not the same. I miss him a lot. 

During October they choose one trainee who is allowed to attend the company Halloween party. This trainee has to place 1st in the monthly evaluations. Everyone wants it because they will get to be at the same party as all our seniors. Taehyun thinks someone from our group will get it. 

Some of these trainees have been here for years so I’m skeptical. We have only been here almost a month and a half. Of course I want to go but without Soobin there I’m not sure it would be as fun. He’s still going to be in America on Halloween so he wouldn’t be able to attend. 

Today is the monthly evaluation and by the time I leave tonight I’ll know who has the invitation. I’m stretching out next Kai when I feel my phone vibrate in my pocket. 

Boyfriend🥰: Good luck on your evaluation. I miss you 🥺

I smile widely and Kai looks over my shoulder. I quickly lock my phone before he draws anyone else’s attention. Some of the trainees already hate me because of my connection with Soobin. They think it gives me an unfair advantage and that the choreographers like me more for that reason. Like Soobin would be giving them advice about trainees when he’s on a world tour. 

I stand up and stretch out my legs while I text Soobin back. Afterwards I put my phone into my jacket lying on the floor. Our choreographer should be here soon. 

My evaluation goes well and I have hope that I could be number one this month. I got more compliments than anyone else. Compliments are hard to come by in this practice room. 

I have vocal lessons after evaluation and I really just wish I was asleep. Maybe I can get a nap in after this.

I don’t get to nap. Everytime I sit down someone pulls me to another place. By nine I want to scream but this time it’s one of the managers handing me an envelope. 

“Congratulations you ranked number 1 this month. You can go home.” 

Excitedly, I take the envelope bowing to him as he walks away. I tear open the envelope and see an invitation to the halloween party. I snap a picture of the paper and send it to Soobin.

He calls me and I pick up as I’m walking out of the building. I’m surprised he called me so fast. It’s early morning in America right now. He usually gets up early on show day. 

“Hey, Junnie!” Soobin says, sounding excited. I’m imagining his cute morning smile. “Congrats on ranking number one my legendary trainee.”

I roll my eyes but laugh. He always knows how to make me feel special. Soobin constantly boosts my ego even when I don’t deserve it. He’s always here when I need to talk even if some time it takes hours for him to reply. 

“Thank you. I miss you.” I pause wishing he was here right now. It’d be so nice to have him beside me at the Halloween party. “I wish you I could see you.”

“I’ll be back in a few weeks. Then I can give you all the kisses and cuddles.” 

My face heats up at his words and I think of the shirtless picture he sent me yesterday. We’ve gotten a little creative without exposing too much. 

“That’ll be nice.” I say walking into my building. “I saw some of your show on twitter yesterday. It was really good as always.”

“I tripped three times and forgot the lyrics to your favorite song.” He laughs but yesterday I’m sure he was crying. It makes me upset that I can’t always be there to comfort him. 

“You’re still a human, Soob. Focus on the good things.” I punch in the code to my dorm and step inside. No one's home yet. “Remember to eat breakfast and have a good day. I’m going to take a shower and plan my costume.”

“Okay. I’ll message you later. Bye boyfriend.”

I throw my phone onto my bunk after hanging up. I’m tempted to lie down but I really should shower first. I pick my phone up and head to the bathroom with my towel. I start the shower so it’ll warm up and turn to the mirror. After removing my shirt I take a picture. My pants are hanging low on my hips and the whole picture screams fuck boy. Soobin will love this. I send it to him then turn on music and hop in the shower. 

Soobin keyboard smashes in response to my photo. I had the same reaction yesterday but I didn’t send it in the chat. 

Boyfriend🥰: My soulmate is so hot. god must love me

Soobin is bolder over text messages. I like him either way but it’s nice seeing more and more confidence. We are helping each other be the best versions of ourselves possible. 

I decide to be Jessie from Team Rocket for the Halloween party even though Soobin can’t be my James. There is a prize for best costume and I’m going all out. Which is why I’m currently dying my hair magenta. I’ve been wanting to dye my hair but I just haven’t had a reason until now. 

“Wow, this looks really good.” Taehyun says from the seat next to me.

He’s getting a haircut while I’m getting it dyed. We got approval from the company just in case. Since we are trainees and don’t have to appear in content they don’t care what we do with our hair right now. 

After my hair is dyed I just need to find black gloves and my outfit is complete. I decided to keep it true to character and wear a skirt and crop top. I look really good in it. The thigh high boots also do wonders for my legs as they should they were expensive. 

Soobin keeps asking for hair updates even though he’s supposed to be filming right now. At least I think he is. He’s been really vague about where he is. He must be on a break but I refuse to show him until I can show him the whole costume. 

The party is tomorrow and I’m nervous about being around all my famous seniors. The only people I’ll personally know are the staff. They try to keep the trainees away from the debited artists. It lessens the chance of sasaengs getting information or interactions.

Hours later Taehyun and I find the gloves I need and we rush home. Beomgyu and Kai are shocked by my hair. I immediately change into my costume so I can show everyone how cool I look.

“Don’t you think it’s a little try hard?” Beomgyu asks as I turn around to look at the back in the mirror.

I’m a little hurt that he’d say that. I just want to wear a cool costume so people remember me. If I look hot as fuck too then that a plus. 

“Everyone already knows me as Soobin’s soulmate might as well make them remember me for me.” I say trying not snap at him. “Besides I look hot as fuck.”

Kai agrees with me which makes Beomgyu roll his eyes. I ignore the discourse and take my costume off. It hangs in my closet as I try to decide what to do with the rest of the day. 

I end up watching movies with the boys then going to sleep early. I still have practice tomorrow whether or not I’m the top ranked trainee of the month. I’m not sure if they will let me out early.

Halloween starts the same as most days. Texting Soobin. He refuses to send me photos and I’m not sure why. He posted on twitter not that long ago but it’s hard to tell where he is. I still haven’t sent him a photo of my hair. I’m going to wait for him to see me in the background of the fansite photos. 

Practice is grueling but they let us leave at 8PM. I’m so tired I almost don’t want to go to the Halloween party. After a quick show I take a half hour nap then start getting ready. 

Taehyun is helping me with my eye makeup. He’s surprisingly good with a brush. Once he’s satisfied we have a mini photo shoot in the courtyard behind our building. Then a taehyun gets himself ready for another date with his soulmate. 

The event starts at 9 and that’s when most of the artists will arrive and walk the carpet. I was told to walk the carpet near the beginning. I’m rushed to the venue wearing a long coat to cover my costume. 

The staff give me a funny look when I arrive and I just smile. There are a few artists here already but they are milling around near their cars. I begin to walk up the carpet and stop where there is a mark.

In one dramatic motion I pull off my long coat and pose. The cameras start clicking and for a moment I feel like a celebrity until I turn and see my soulmate. Soobin is wearing a James costume that matches mine perfectly.

“Binnie!” I hug him tightly before realizing we are in front of a lot of cameras. 

I step away shyly but Soobin puts his arm around my waist. We let them take a few pictures of us before we walk into the venue away from prying eyes. 

“Yeonjun, I missed you so much. I couldn’t let you be alone at your first Bighit Halloween party.” He’s dyed his hair blue again. “My team is already mad at me so might as well make the most of it.” 

He leans in and kisses me in front of his colleagues. Granted there aren’t many people here but I’m 100% sure Jeon Jungkook dressed as Sailor Moon just saw that. He shoved a mini hotdog in his mouth then looked away but I know he saw.

“I missed you too.”

Soobin leads me to the bar and orders us each a cocktail. I’ll probably only have one because the last thing I need is to get sloppy at my first company event. 

“Who do you want to meet first?” Soobin asks once more people have arrived. 

Quite a few of them have gone all out with their costumes. I don’t even recognize a few of my favorite artists when I first see them. 

“Park Jimin?” I ask trying to find him in the sea of costumes. 

I think Jimin and Taehyung are dressed as Danny and Sandy from Grease. Unfortunately, a lot of people are wearing skin tight black material. Well, just unfortunate for finding him. Soobin takes my hand and leads me through the crowd. He easily finds Jimin talking to Jungkook. 

I bow deeply and they look between Soobin and I. They smile at me as Soobin introduces me.

“This is my boyfriend Choi Yeonjun. He’s a trainee at our company.”

My heart races when the word boyfriend leaves his mouth. I know cameras aren’t allowed in here but it still makes me nervous. The press knows he’s my soulmate but we aren’t trying to flaunt it and cause any more bad press. 

“Your costume looks stunning! You must’ve worked so hard for those abs.” Jimin says and suddenly I feel shy that this world renowned musician is looking at my abs. 

“Constant practicing and diets does that too you.” I try to laugh but it sounds forced. 

Jungkook changes the topic asking me about my inspiration to join the company. For a while I stand there with Soobin’s arm wrapped around my waist talking to people I’ve idolized for years. 

I feel true happiness all night. We dance and sing too loud with celebrities that now just feel like normal people. Everyone is so nice to me I’m genuinely shocked. 

“The winner of best couples costume Choi Soobin and Yeonjun.” Jackson Wang, the mc of this event says hours later.

Soobin drags me onto the stage and we accept our Samsung earphones. Obviously, they would give away sponsored items as prizes. That’s so smart of them. 

“Do you want to get out of here?” Soobin whispers in my ear not even ten minutes later. 

I nod my head and we look for my coat. I’ve already talked to everyone I wanted to talk to. I’d much rather spend time alone with Soobin then continue dancing with drunk idols.

Soobin is a little clumsy after having a few soju bombs. I’m helping him balance as we walk towards the exit. A staff member hands us masks and I quickly hand it to Soobin. 

We make it to his car without injury and someone drives us to Soobin’s apartment. Soobin is extra cuddly in the car and I won‘t lie, I love it. 

“Do you want to come upstairs for some ramen?” Soobin says when we are standing at the door of his apartment building. 

I laugh at him and he pouts. How can one man possibly be this attractive? Soobin walks into the building and I follow closely behind. 

As soon as he’s inside his apartment he starts taking his clothes off. I close the door and try to stop him but he’s already on his way to the bedroom.

“Soobin let’s keep our clothes on.” I say rushing to take off my thigh high boots.

“I’m going to change into something more comfortable, you don’t have to look if you don’t want to.” He shouts back at me. 

Of course I want to look, but it feels wrong when he’s intoxicated. I follow him into his room anyways and he has sweatpants on when I arrive.

His room is filled with much more personal items then the rest of his house. I see pictures of family and friends. Keepsakes and just an aura of warmth. 

Seeing his chest and stomach in person does make my stomach fill with butterflies. He walks forward and takes my hand slowly taking my gloves off and throwing them on the ground. I turn away deciding to do the rest myself before something happens. 

I rummage through his dresser looking for sweats and quickly find a pair. Getting out of my costume is more difficult when I know Soobin is watching me. Once I’m in pajamas I climb into bed and get under the covers. I lift the blanket inviting Soobin to cuddle me. 

He eagerly climbs under the blanket and lays his head on my chest. His skin is warm and I’m painstakingly aware of his hand tracing the outline of my abs. 

I turn on a movie so he’ll fall asleep but he has other plans. Thirty minutes into the movie he turns it off and looks into my eyes. Panic arises in every cell of my body.

He kisses me with our bodies pressed together but then looks away and smiles.

“I love you, Yeonjun.” he says so casually you’d think he’d said it to me a million times. 

In fact this was the first time and every part of me is screaming. CHOI SOOBIN JUST SAID HE LOVES YOU. Of course, I knew this might happen eventually. He is my soulmate after all. I didn’t think it would happen so soon and I definitely didn’t think he’d say it for the first time while drunk. 

“I love you too, Soobin.”

His eyes are as soft as the skin of his shoulder. Nothing in his eyes would make anyone doubt that he meant what he said. 

Nothing else remarkable happens that night. Soobin goes back on his tour and I go back to giving my all at every moment I’m in the Big Hit Entertainment building. 

One day in early March Soobin insists the boys and I come to his apartment immediately. We’ve all hung out at Soobin’s. Sometimes we go there to get away from our tiny dorm. Soobin likes us taking care of his place while he’s away. What is out of the ordinary is his urgency.

“I’m so glad you are here. I missed you, but we need to talk...all of us.” Soobin says as soon as we walk into his apartment.

We follow him into the living room and he won’t even sit down. I can't tell if he’s nervous or scared or excited.

“What’s going on?” Kai asks, sitting beside me.

“So, last night when I landed I was immediately called to a meeting. Usually, they let me rest for a full day so I was really surprised. When I arrived the CEO was sitting there with one of my managers.”

“Really?!” I say not being able to hold in my shock. I look at the other boys and they have a similar expression.

Our CEO is friendly with the artists but rarely attends meetings. He leaves that to the staff unless absolutely necessary. Unless, it’s BTS but that’s another story. 

“Yes, so they sat me down and started gushing about how well I’ve done so far on my tour and how they are so proud.”

“Why do I sense a but?” Taehyun asks resting his head in his hands. 

Soobin looks like he’s about to bounce off a wall. He doesn’t look upset so hopefully this is good news. Over the last few months I’ve come to know his expressions and emotions even deeper than before. 

“Because there is a but. After gushing about me for ten minutes they tell me they want me to debut again!” He pauses for dramatic effect and we gasp. Why would they want that? He’s at the top of his game. Wouldn’t making him start over just hinder him and make whatever group he is a part of?“Isn’t that great?”

“I don’t see how that would be great.” Beomgyu says slowly. 

“Maybe I should’ve prefaced with this but if you tell anyone about this we will all get fired. I’m telling you as my closest personal friends. That means you can’t tell Tasia, Tyun.” Soobin says still not telling us why it’s so great. “It’s great because he wants me to debut with you.”

He sweeps his hand through the air pointing at each of us. We gasp again and jump to our feet looking at each other in disbelief.

“Soobin don’t joke like that.” I say not processing well.

The CEO wants Soobin, his best solo artist, to debut in a group of rookies? Is he insane? As much as I want to be in a group with my soulmate it can’t be a good idea. I can already hear the antis yelling that we are only popular because of Soobin.

“Jun, I would never get your hopes up like that. I know you might be worried but I’m all in. I want to debut again. I think we could make something really special.” 

He told us three more times before we believed him. But eventually we believed him and started a real celebration. Of course, we have to act like we don’t know everywhere else but here we can share the excitement. 

Soobin is home for the month but with training I hardly get to see him. Unless I sneak away to spend the night with him. 

The boys and I patiently wait for someone to approach us about our debut. It’s a week after Soobin told us when I’m called into the trainee manager's office. 

“Yeonjun, we are really impressed with your work so far. We would like to give you two options.”

My heart is pounding and I feel like I might start sweating if I have to sit here for another second. What options does he have for me? All I want is to debut with my best friends.

“What are the options?” I manage to say and he smiles like he knows how nervous I am.

“You can debut as a solo artist in August or you can debut with a group in March of next year.” He says studying my face like it might hold some great truth to the universe. 

“Who would be debuting beside me?” He gives me a questioning look so I explain. “I want to know if I have chemistry with these trainees and how good they are compared to me.”

“Choi Beomgyu, Kang Taehyun and Huening Kai.”

I use my best acting skills to light up my eyes with excitement. It’s not that hard when I’m genuinely excited. Hearing it from a staff member is entirely different than hearing it from Soobin. 

“I don’t need time to think about it. I want to debut with that group.”

The manager seems surprised I’ve made a decision so quickly. It’s a no brainer. Those are my best friends and I’ll do anything to debut with them. We will be something special. He talks for a little while longer but none of it is as important as debuting. 

In April we finally have a meeting with the four of us. They still haven’t told us about Soobin. He thinks it’s because they want him to finish his tour first. I think they want him to be a secret weapon.

Soobin’s voice plays in my mind as I walk down the hall to the practice room glad to be inside and out of the August heat. He’s somewhere in the building. Recently, he finished his tour and he’s already practicing. It’s the middle of the day so I suppose he must be busy. 

“Yeonjun! My love!” Soobin says, popping his head out of the practice room. He walks closer and whispers in my ear. “They are going to tell you I’m debuting again today.”

Usually, Soobin wouldn’t be down here in the trainee practice room. They like to keep us separated as much as possible. He must’ve gotten a few weird looks making his way down here. 

“Really?” I match his volume not wanting anyone to accidentally overhear us. 

“Yes your manager texted me this morning.” He pats my shoulder and we enter the practice room. 

The practice room is uncharacteristically empty. Even when we don’t have official practice trainees tend to hang out here. Maybe Soobin scared them away.

“He told me to come to your rehearsal today.” Soobin says sitting on the floor so he can stretch out. “They are going to announce us in January and we’ll debut in March.”

Soobin insists that he can’t be left in the dark. The company loves him so much they give him the information he wants.

It’s comical watching the boys pretend to be surprised that Soobin is joining our team. The company must know Soobin told us, but no one says a word.

We spend the rest of the year working ourselves to the bone. Between dance, vocal and media training practice I have no energy when I get back to our dorm. Not to mention the photo shoots, album recordings and music video shooting.

We move to a new dorm and Soobin joins us while keeping his old place. He says he doesn’t mind but I think he misses having more room. We share a bed most nights and since so do Beomgyu and Kai Taehyun is the only one that complains. None of us ever do anything inappropriate while anyone else is in the room. I don’t know why he complains.

Before I know it we are backstage about to debut. I can hear people in the crowd and my heart is thumping in my chest. Soobin gathers everyone in a circle and we put our arms around each other.

“We are almost there. Let's make our family, fans and company proud. You are all so talented and are going to give the most incredible performance.”

Soobin squeezes my shoulder as the boys break apart getting into a line to walk to the stage. When we are about to be lifted up Soobin pulls me close and kisses me.

“I love you.”

“I love you more.”

We are lifted onto the stage and I see moas face for the first time. All of this is thanks to Soobin’s voice in my mind. What a lucky man I am.


End file.
